Swedish "death cleaning" doesn't mean I am going to die soon, at least I don't think so. I expect I will have a normal lifespan if I take good care of myself. So maybe another 21 years to age 86 like both my mother and my grandfather. I turned 65 recently. I lost my husband, way too soon, weeks after I turned 60.
It's more of a re-organizing, simplifying, way of minimizing what you or someone else will have to do later, or even simplifying your own life on a day to day basis. It doesn't all have to be sad. It can be peppered with memories and with humor. It can be a years-long process. The concept has even been turned into a
reality TV series!
So...it's been five+ years since my husband died. Like
Joan Didion in "
The Year of Magical Thinking," I have not been able to give my husband's stuff away, unless I had some special reason to. The shoes, as she noted, are especially hard to part with. You keep thinking he will need them. Some thoughts are especially hard to dislodge from your brain. (There are actually biochemical changes when the brain undergoes the grieving process).
Not many of our friends are my hubby's size. He bought a lot of things, especially for people he liked to gift. He was a big gifter. Our doctors, a long time lawyer friend, people he grew up with, relatives. My hubby was kind of the "uncle" who always had a treat for everyone.
He also bought extras for himself when he found something he liked, especially shoes. "Buy more!" he would always tell me when I found shoes I liked. He was modest about the array of clothing he wore, and he took care of his clothes. But there are lots that are new with tags, unworn, saved for some occasion, some trip, or for later in life.
So I am left with a closet half-full of his clothes and shoes, but the other half, (plus a couple of dressers and a chest), is full of menswear items that will never find their original intended recipients. I have tracked some people down but others are lost to time. Dress shirts, sport shirts, cashmere sweaters, and beautiful Italian silk ties are all waiting to bring joy to new owners!
A few months ago the people across the street lost their house in a horrific fire. I was able to quickly find things in the sizes of the husband and wife, and some toys and books for the children. It barely made a dent.
Last month during a big "spring cleaning" I culled many household items, mostly dishes, that were meant for big parties and which were crowding my cabinets. I await a visit from a couple of my young friends so they can add to the proverbial "hope chests." (What a concept! Young women start their lives on their own now, no waiting around for husbands!)
We also have a lot of luggage pieces. You know, luggage has improved a lot over the past 40 years! I have hubby's original trunks that he arrived with in Philadelphia in 1969, which I will always keep, but since then there have been a lot of trips...mostly short business trips, so we have a lot of carryons and a few larger pieces.
I have been told that even outdated luggage will be appreciated by children in the foster care system, since they are often moved around from home to home and many times carry their scant belongings in grocery bags. A piece of luggage would make them feel that they have something of their own. I've been in touch with the local systems but haven't heard back.
Today there is smoke in the atmosphere from the Canadian wildfires. It's too hazy to spend much time outside (air quality is 314-hazardous!).
I decided to start this giveaway project, starting with a bag of my own stuff that I put together during the height of the pandemic. If I give away some of mine, and some of hubby's, I think it will be easier. I don't want my sister and friends to deal with as much. I feel like simplifying.
I have the first suitcase full. I will write more about the process later.
I am keeping track of the items I give away, not so much for
donation value, but just as a record to remind myself what I don't have anymore! I tend to remember everything I ever owned, and I anticipate forgetting where some of this stuff went once I get really old.
For donation value, use a reference like the one from the
Salvation Army (that's where most of my stuff will be going). You would need to accumulate a lot of give aways before it will affect your tax bracket though. (Ask your accountant!)
When/if I am ready to give away appliances or furniture, I will probably donate to
Restore.
I expect this project will last for the rest of the year. It's mid-June now.
